Tides
by Gilsaragrissom
Summary: A little twist of the original plot, after sara leaves the second time. rated T for future chapters
1. Chapter 1

His eyes closed briefly as he slipped his hand over his face. His migraine was already beginning to settle in, and he was out of medication, forgetting again, to pick it up from the pharmacy.

_His memory took him back to his last migraine. It had been months and months ago, he had drawn the shades to his office, turned off all the lights, and laid down on the couch throwing one arm over his eyes, nothing had worked to stop the onset of the migraine. He heard the door creek open, letting in a sliver of light before it was quickly closed again. The figure walked towards him and leaned down next to him._

_"Take this," he heard her whisper, he opened his eyes and looked at her, noticing the pill in one hand and bottle of water in the other._

_"How did you know?" he asked quietly as he took the pill, eyes squinting in pain._

_Her fingertips grazed through his hair just about his ear, and down to his jaw line, letting them linger just a bit. Grissom looked up at her and gave her the faintest ghost of a smile, _he could practically feel her fingertips on his skin now, and he longed to actually feel them.

_"I would suggest you go home," sara spoke softly, "But it would be a waste of my time." her phone vibrated, she opened it shielding him from the light with her hand, the text was from nick, informing her of the progress in their case. And with that- she was gone. _

A sigh escaped him. He could see her so clearly in his mind, but when his eyes opened to the dark lonely bedroom, realization sunk in. He rolled over to her side of the bed, trying to breath in her scent from the pillow, but it was no use, she had been gone long enough for any trace scent to have disintegrated.

And then the doorbell. . . he rolled out of bed, and walked to the door. The peep hole revealed catherine and nick. As he opened the door they took in his appearance, sweat pants and an old department issued T, his hair a bit disheveled, and his beard grown into a shaggy sort of mess.

Nick held up a file, "Care to lend your eyes?"

Grissom stepped to the side to let them in, "you're aware its my weekend?"

"yes- but when are you ever one to actually stay home when you're off?" catherine smiled as she made herself comfortable on the couch.

"would you like a soda or something?"

"I've got it, you take a look at the file." catherine went to the kitchen and made her way to the fridge, noticing a photo hung upon it by a magnet. The photo was of a much younger grissom and sara, standing in front of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.

She grabbed three sodas and returned to the two on the couch, but the photo kept in her mind. _just how long had they known each other, had they had a relationship for?_

Her eyes wondered around as they spoke about the case at hand. She began to notice all the sort of 'feminine' touches to the place. The throw pillows on the couch, the curtains, the framed photos, the candles on the coffee table, _Had they been living together? _

Nick excused himself to go to the restroom. He walked down the hall and entered the bathroom. After doing his business he washed his hands, noticing the soap content was low he opened the medicine cabinet to find more. However, soap he did not find, instead he found "him & her" toothbrushes, some female lotion, a few pill bottles, two Grissom's, the third Sara's, sleep medication. Two hair clips lay on the bottom shelf next to two packets of floss, couple make-up brushes, men's deodorant, an empty space where woman's deodorant must have once lay, a mens hair comb, a straight knife razor and some mouth wash.

A quick peak into the shower revealed female shower products as well Grissom's male ones.

He returned to Catherine and Grissom just in time to hear Grissom raping up his view on the case,

"Im not sure if thats what you guys were looking for,"

"Oh no thats plenty- we'll start those theories once we get back." Catherine assured him.

Hank came trotting in and laid his head in Grissom's lap.

"Exactly how long have you had Hank for now?" questioned Catherine as she patted the mutt.

"We rescued from the shelter, hmm, must be a little over two and a half years ago already."

"Grissom-" Grissom turned his attention to Nick hearing the the slight southern drawl, "I know its none of our buisness really but- c'mon, how long have you and Sara been together for?"

He was caught slightly off guard having question voiced by Nick rather than Catherine.

"Nick. . . "

"Look Gil, we never really got straight answers from you two after the whole thing spilled, and I think we deserve it- we're your friends, your family, you should want to share at lest a part of this with us." Catherine justified Nicks inquiry.

He looked between the two and reluctantly gave in, he knew there was no escaping this, " Well, i guess "officially" we were together a little over three years."

"Three years." repeated Nick,

". . . and "unofficially"?"

"ten- no- eleven years now."

"Eleven years." Nick repeated again astonished, and then his facial expression expressed his next words before his lips did, "But she started working here eight years ago."

"I know, I brought her here to work after the Gribbes incident, remember."

Cath, "Wait, Wait, what did you mean when you said "we _were_ together a little over three years" past tense?"

"Look- I appreciate your concern, interest, or fascination with this whatever it may be- but I'm really not in the mood to talk about this."

"You're not together anymore?" she said, ignoring his statement.

"Well she's not here is she?" He said a bit abruptly as he got up and walked to the kitchen, hank fallowing closely.

Nick leaned over to Cath when Grissom was out of hearing range, "All of her things are still in the bathroom, everything probably exactly the way she left it- if she did leave him, he is in denial."

Grissom threw out the sodas and walked back to them, "I'm very tired so if there's nothing else regarding the case- id like to get some rest. . ."

"Where is she?"

"Cath. . ."

"Where'd she go? . . . As a friend and co-worker I'd like to know."

"I don't know."

"what do you mean you don't know!?"

"After she left the first time she went on a research voyage ship, came back after Warrick's death, and left again- this time I don't know where."

"Why'd she leave?" asked Nick.

"Please." Grissom nearly begged, he took a breath, "Im done- let yourselves out when your through investigating, im going back to sleep. He patted his leg for Hank to fallow him, and the two of them disappeared down the hall and into the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

CORRECTION: in the first chapter i said sara went on the research ship first and then he didn't know where now- what i meant was that she went to visit her mother first and now he didn't know where she was.

sorry for the confusion- here the next chapter. enjoy :-)

His head hit the pillow, and the extra bounce on the bed meant that Hank joined him. Hanks head suddenly resting on his abdomen confirmed this. He could hear their quiet whispers and shuffles outside the bedroom door, but of this he didn't much care.

All he really wanted to do at the moment was sink into the memories of Sara he had collected over the years, sink into them and pretend like they were real again, pretend like she was here, and stay in those moments forever.

He remembered the last time they had a long absence from each other, when he had gone off to teach a lecture at Williams College. Being so far away from her for so long had been hard enough then, but at least then he had the certainty that they would be reunited. Now- was much the opposite.

He smiled as he thought of when he did return to Veges from that trip, thinking of the first time he saw her after he had gotten back.

_He could hear her hanging up her cell phone, walking through the hall- he peaked his head out of his office to make sure it really was her, and indeed it was. She stood before him in a department issued jumpsuit, covered in soot and dirt from an obvious dumpster dive. He hadn't noticed much of this at the time, and the slight part of him that had, didn't much care. _

_He couldn't help but be utterly attracted to her at the sight of her despite all the above mentioned. And the way she walked backwards with obvious embarrassment of her appearance only furthered his amusement. _

_It had taken a lot of physical restraint not to just take her into his arms there, in the middle of the lab, and he may have failed, too, if it hadn't been for Sara who finally lengthened the distance between them, saying she was going to go get cleaned up._

_"I'll see you later?" The doubt in his voice echoed through his head, he was afraid she would turn that corner, out of his sight, without a promise to see him again that night. _

_"Yeah- you will." Her voice laced thick, speaking seductively, yet casual enough that passing ears would think nothing of it. He knew better though. He knew that look in her eye, the depth of her voice, and to be truthful it made him a bit giddy. _

_Later that evening Grissom had stuck around in his office, waiting for Sara to finish her shift. She leaned on the dorm frame to his office and cleared her throat. _

_He looked up and smiled,_

_"You're still here," she pointed out as he stood, turning off his desk lamp._

_"I am."_

_"Waiting for something?"_

_"You," he responded simply, mater-of-factly, as he slipped on his coat, picked up his keys, and walked towards her. _

_--------_

Catherine and Nick had yet to leave still, though Nick kept voicing his discomfort with staying against Grissom's wishes.

"Nicky, I'm worried about him." This simple, short statement acquired a nod of agreement from him.

"What do you suggest we do?"

"Find sara."

----------

_They shared conversation over a glass of red wine on his sofa. She told him of Keppler, of the reverse forensics, and of the lab in his absence. He told her briefly of his lecture, his students, the college. He kept silent for a moment- just gazing at her as she sipped her wine again. _

_He reached to her and brushed a piece of her hair behind her hear, letting his fingertips linger on her skin a bit. She turned her head to him as he did so. _

_"I missed you," he spoke softly, gently. She covered one of his hands with hers, then leaned in to him, kissing him just as softly has his words had been. She then broke away and nuzzled her head into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her._

_----------_

They looked through his phone, noting that the last call from Sara was from over three weeks ago. His email had already been opened on his laptop, Catherine searched for emails from sara and found the video she had sent him.

"Nicky," she whispered across the room, "take a look at this."

He came up behind her to see what she was looking at. "I dont know if we should look at this Cath. . . its private."

"Look Nick, it was sent after she left the second time, he has heard from her."

"It looks like this is the last time he had contact with her." he said, skimming through the other emails.

Cath decided to play the video.

The video palyed out and they both just stood and stared. This was a portal into their relationship, their untouchable completely private relationship, and it opened their eyes to what must have really happened to make her leave again.

"Wow." was all catherine was able to say.

"I know." they stood in silence for a moment before he added, "I can't believe she broke up with him."

"She didn't break up with him Nick."

"Of course she did. Did you not hear what she said. . . . damn, no wonder why the man is so depressed."

"She didn't break up with him, she said what she thought he wanted to hear, she released him from obligation to her."

"Alright, what's the difference?"

"The difference, is, that shes only saying it because what ever conversation they had before she left, left her with the impression that he wanted out but couldn't leave her, this let him leave her without feeling badly, and by Griss's behavior- thats not what he meant to say."

"Obviously he interpreted it the way I did. . . so- what now?"

"We find out where she is, and we make him go after her."


	3. Chapter 3

He sighed rather heavily. He heard the front door close- signaling Catherine and Nicks departure- finally. He rolled over to his side and brought the blanket up to his shoulders. He wondered if this feeling would ever end, if this state of depression, he had somehow lunged into, would ever disapaite. His body felt heavy and sluggish from the emence sadness he carried around each day, and he could see that his behavior had deffinently rubbed off onto Hank. Hank would only eat when Grissom ate- which was barely ever and when he did eat it wasn't much. He also noticed Hank slugging along for his morning walks where he used to run around with more energy than neither he nor Sara could handle. And indoors he rarely did anything but lay in one place or sleep. Could he really have passed on his depression to his dog? As these thoughts circulated through his head he eventually fell into a deep sleep. Lately he enjoyed sleeping much more than he evered had before. Durring his sleep he was able to dream of her, able to pretend she was still there, and his dreams always felt so real to him, sometimes he could swear he could actually feel her.

_They ate breakfest in the his kitchen together. Tost and scrambled eggs. Days like these were truely a treat, it was rare to have the time to enjoy a meal sitting with eachother. _

_"I'll have to go to my place after shift do some laundry get some fesh clothes.... I don't think I've been in my apartment in at least six days"_

_"Eight" he corrected with a smile. And at this she chuckled._

_"I might as well be living here at this rate." she joked_

_"Maybe you should" he said quietly, looking down athis food as he forked the last of his eggs._

_She nearly chocked on her juice. She cleared her throat and tried to compose herself. "what?"_

_He looked up at her, "I mean you don't have to. I was just thinking it would be more logical, you know, because you're here so often anyway, it's silly to be paying rent on a place you go to four times a month... But we don't have to- I was just thi-" he was rambling in his shy, unsure, insecure way._

_She cut him off, "Gil, are you asking me to move in with you?"_

_"I guess, yes, that's what I'm trying to ask." he looked at her aprehensivly._

_She leaned over the table, and he could feel her lips suddenly upon his, kissing him gently. And when she broke away she stayed leaned over the table, looking deeply into his eyes,_

_"I think that's a great idea."_

His dreams jumped in time to when they were moving her things in.

_He carried a box in from the car and put it down in the living room, "I think that's the last of it."_

_They unpacked the boxes together placing her books among his, her clothes in their own space, and she found places to hang her wall decor._

_She stood back from the wall to see if the picture hung straight. Grissom came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. She leaned back into his embrace._

_"Is this straight?"_

_"I believe so. ..... You know- I just put the new sheets and comforter on the bed." he began to kiss her neck with butterfly light trails. His scruff tingling her skin. "what do you say we go break it in?"_

_She turned in his embrace so she was facing him. His boyish grin painted on his face, and hunger leached into his eyes. She smiled widely before pressing her lips against his with a hunger and intensity that took both of their breath away._

_Grissom was never this forward in these situations, ever. Whenever he was the one to initiate sex, which wasn't very often, he would do so with gentle kisses, never words._

_She liked this side of him, a lot actually, it was a huge turn on, and her only reasoning for the sudden change in him that she could think of, was that the security of them living together allowed him to be a little more open and comfortble, without the fears of uncertainty within their relationship before._

_They moved to the bedroom. _

_His fingertips moved over her skin, feeling the curves of her body. He took in her scent, her look, her feel, her taste, every part of her he could as his subconscious mind worked overtime to keep the memory of her alive. He could feel her hands on his body as articles of clothing were removed layer by layer. _

-------

Nick left, deciding his time was probably much better spent on the case at the moment, and Catherine promised him shed head back to the lab shortly after.

She used his laptop to do some research. She looked up the research ships that went to where Sara said she was, she cross referenced their departure dates and found the ship Sara was probably. It was a charter research ship with three different groups within one organization abroad it. There were the marine biologists and scientists that were on the ship permanently for their research, there were a group of scientists and specialists heading to Panama the other to a rainforest in Costa Rica.

Catherine proceeded to call Jim, who called in some favors, and a few hours later they had the list of scientists and which locations were their final destinations. Catherine grinned as Sara's name popped up on the list, which disclosed that she was going to Costa Rica, in fact, as Catherine looked closer at the documents she had, Sara was already in Costa Rica, and had been for a week.

She neatly stacked the documents and placed them on top of the keyboard of his open laptop and then left. She knew it was best to let him find the information on his own, and not have her there hovering over him in an attempt to sway his decision.

----------

_"God, I love you" The words escaped his lips as his fell on the bed beside her, breath jagged and heavy._

_"What?" Her eyes were wide, confused. She turned and looked at him, He opened his eyes to find her looking at him in shock._

_"What's wrong?" concern laced his voice. She continued to just stare back at him until she finally regained some stability and was able to respond, _

_"Did- you just- say. . ."_

_"What?" _

_"Did- did you just say that you love me?" Her voice was a mere whisper, so low it was almost inaudible. _

_"Yes. . ." he was evidently still confused. _

_"You've never said that before" her voice maintained that low whisper. _

_"I haven't?" _

_She shook her head to confirm. He took her face in his hands, brushing hairs behind her ears, and rubbing small circles on her cheek with his thumb. "I guess I just thought you knew." _

_There was a slight shake of her head that was almost undetectable. He kissed her lips softly, "Well I do. Even if I don't say it,"_

_He laid on his back and brought her closer to him, her body pressed against his side, their legs tangled and her arm draped over his abdomen. His arms wrapped around her body in a bear hug._

_"I feel like I always have, and I know I always will." _

_She looked up at him and he kissed her forehead. His breathing became deep and evenly spaced in a rhythmic beat showing that he was falling asleep._

_"I love you too Gil." She whispered. He smiled. And then they both drifted off to sleep. _


	4. Chapter 4

Yes, sleeping had become his favorite thing to do, but waking goes hand in hand with sleeping, and waking to find that his dreams were just that, dreams, was unbearable. He stirred awake, and as he did so his conscience mind began to take over, and as his eyes fluttered open, the empty bed beside him hit hard.

He closed his eyes and rolled over, trying desperately to keep her image in his mind. But Hank's whimpering made it far too difficult. He groaned as he opened his eyes to find hank at the side of his bed, leash in mouth.

"Fine. Fine" he mumbled as he sat up and swung his feet over the side of his bed, "You win."

Zipping on a pair of jeans he walked to the bathroom to wash his face. He emerged from the bathroom with his hair a bit damp, a hand towel draped over his right shoulder, shirtless, with a pair of dark wash jeans that fit just right.

"Hank" he called, but heard nothing in return. He walked to the kitchen calling his name again. But, again, heard nothing. He looked all around the loft but couldn't find him.

He was completely confused, and on the verge of becoming panicked. Looking at the front door he noticed it was unlocked. Staring at the unlocked but shut door, he heard familiar barking from the other side.

Grissom opened the door and stepped out into the hallway to see hank trotting toward him. Fallowing the leash around Hanks neck to the hand which held it, he found himself looking at Catherine.

"Hey stranger." She took in his appearance and bit her bottom lip, "thats a good look for you."

Suddenly he became aware of his shirtless state and began to feel self conscious. He shot her a wary half sort of smile and walked into the apartment, fallowed by Hank, and then Catherine. He walked to the bedroom and threw on an old shirt before going back to Catherine.

"What are you still doing here? And. . . Hank?"

"You missed shift Gil."

He looked at his watch and then back up at her, "No, I have three more hours."

She let out a small laugh to mask her concerned features, "I meant last nights shift."

"What?" He looked back down at his watch and noticed it said thursday, not wednesday.

The perplexed look upon his face was her cue to continue, "We, NIck and I, left yesterday afternoon, you fell asleep. . . and- I'm assuming you just woke up."

Grissom swiped his hand across his face and ran his fingers threw his damp hair.

"Gil, I'm worried about you."

"That doesn't help." He replied bluntly.

"I know that. I do." she sighed, "But- Its just not normal to sleep for over 24 hours without realizing it."

"I'm fine."

She walked over to his laptop and picked up the stack of papers she had left for him there the day before.

"What's this?" he questioned as she pushed them across the kitchen island to him. She didn't answer, just waited for him to read.

after a moment of him skimming . . .

"Catherine." he spoke harshly, "What do you want me to do with this!?"

"Go after her."

He slumped into a chair, "You have to stop this. You have to leave me alone. I'm begging you to just leave me alone."

"There's an easy solution to all of this. Why do you insist on making yourself miserable."

"I am not purposely making my self miserable."

"Yes. Yes you are. If you just take this information," she indicated to the papers, "and go after her, then everything will be fixed."

"Catherine, its not that simple."

"Why not?"

He sighed heavily in response. She continued, "You think the video she sent you, was her breaking up with her?"

His head shot up and his eyes narrowed, "That was personal, I figured you'd snoop but, thats really taking it far too far." He words were laced with anger, "This conversation is over."

He walked towards the door to show her out- "Well she wasn't."

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, she continued, "She was letting you off the hook so you didn't have to feel guilty about ending things incase that was what you actually wanted. And you not making a move- or even responding, showed her that, that is in fact what you wanted."

"You're misinterpreting her, Sara's not like that. She doesn't code messages like that. Now please." He gestured towards the door.

"No Gil, you just don't understood women, which Sara is one. Whether you like it or not, she has characteristic traits that other women posses. This being one. Now you either take the information I dug up for you and go after her, or you loose her forever while you mope around pathetically."

tbc. . . .


End file.
